Growing Pains

Growing Pains

Growth is hard and when you want to make real and permanent changes it’s often about learning new skills or creating new habits. Remember when you were learning to drive, and you got in a car all awkward and wrong-footed?  I bet you don’t feel like that now. In fact, most of your driving is so automatic you probably can’t even remember the stages it took you to get there.  These are the same stages for any kind of growth!

You basically go through 4 stages.

unconsciously incompetent – you don’t even know what you don’t know

consciously incompetent – now you know but you don’t know what to do about it but you are learning

conscious competence – you are learning and starting to feel confident about it

unconscious competence – you are in total flow, doing it without even thinking about it

My Grandmother used to tell me that beauty is pain  – and changing and growing come with all sorts of pain. It’s not going to be a beautiful transformation like a caterpillar to a butterfly. This is because as we change and grow we raise our standards, we expect better and we shine a light on our existing lives.  It might start small with making your bed or cleaning the kitchen before you go to bed. In the middle, it is all the drama of people who hold you back and want you to stay the same, its self-sabotage as your inner six-year-old tries to keep you safe, and it’s lonely and unknown.  It’s a bit like sitting in the airport in transit, as you get rid of the old but has not yet moved to the new.   It ends big; new friends, new lifestyles, and new opportunities throw themselves at you.  Before you even realize it you are that beautiful butterfly, the pain has stopped and you have up-leveled to a new flow.  

Keep Growing…and enjoy the journey


Contact Phoebe

Phoebe is available for interviews, guest appearances, article commentary, and talks on a range of topics relating to property, mortgage broking, and personal finance (particularly for women!).